hell yes lets make some ravioli
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
