I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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