After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
