A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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