I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
