Why are handjobs necessary in class?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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