Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
