Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
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