I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize