I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I smell like Dick and happiness
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
