Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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