i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well I just put wine in my tea
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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