I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
