I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
