I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
A bitchslap is in order.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
