I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
