is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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