I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
