I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
