sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
