My balls are so social today.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
