I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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