Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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