You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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