She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
