Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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