I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
