I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
