you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
