quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
