he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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