With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
