im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
