i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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