I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize
