Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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