shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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