I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
