my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
