i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
