I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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