I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
