using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
