the condom got lost in my hair
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
