they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
