He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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