I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
