Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
