Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
