its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
