I wish i was in the wii world.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
