And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
