You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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