so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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