you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
