Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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