Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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