She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
