drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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