You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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