I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
