would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
