Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
