call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
