Just took my morning after pill in the library
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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