wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
