I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
