ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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